- julie may aka big sis
Point taken :) and yes I do love you! I really didn't know if people were reading the blog due to no comments... so it has become a kinda research gathering space for all the stuff I have been reading. I can't believe you don't find it interesting. JK ;)
So upon my lovely older sister's request here is an informative personal update:
With the many trials throughout this pregnancy I can say I am tired of trials and challenge. I am tired of feeling like a host to two aliens sucking my life from me and most of all I am tired of having to endure endless amounts of pain and for god sakes get rid of this severe fatigue. And puking, I am not even going to venture there. Can't anything just be a breeze? Nope, twins are on their way and to bring life and breathe life means oh so much more pain for me. Vaginal rippage and stretching has always been a fear but count down to reality is sinking in... my worst fears of ripping flesh in the most sensitive small spaces is 8-10 weeks away. If the second twin is breech and smaller than the first my doctor has comforted me by saying she will reach her hand inside me and pull the baby out. Yes this comforted me, let me tell you. Hmm first birthing, first fisting the experiences are never ending.
But the reality is, with the end of pregnancy does not come the end of trials and challenges... no to the contrary, all I have read and heard is mass hysteria upon their arrival and praying for survival to reach the 6 month mark when we can actually sleep. Lets not mention the boob torture during that 6 month period. Hell I am praying I can survive the next 8 weeks, let alone the next 8 months. I don't think I have been so scared and calm at the same time. Delivery scares me, premature labor scares me, but having kids does not. I am so happy to have these little ones (still unnamed at 28 weeks :) ardon (boy) or arden (girl) or xander or zolie fallyn who knows...) I have always wanted them... the whole bird delivery service of the babies was so much more pleasurable to think about... damn disney and their lies... but no matter the pain... no matter the sacrifice... it is worth it to have them here to continue the endless sarcasm this world is so dire in need of. :) They will be awesome... even the moments I hate I will still love and miss in retrospect. The torture of twin pregnancy coupled with bad luck in health has sucked to say the least but feeling them move and react and seeing them develop on screen has been amazing and I count the days until I get to see them and hold them and watch them become whom ever they choose to be, my little no named kids.
As of late, I have been resting as much as possible... trying to avoid the pain. I have been extremely fatigued, and getting bigger and more uncomfortable each day. My stomach now has grown an inch in the last 2 weeks... now measuring 43" around and we have at least 2 months to go. I feel stretched to the brink and I can barely get up or turn over. Pressure on the lungs, pelvic, and bladder regions just simply suck. I appear the size of a full term pregnant woman. I have now employed the use of the belly strap as I can barely lift my stomach without assistants... a very fashionable accessory... but it is necessary at this point. People with multiples greater than 2 are just insane is all I gotta say.
This experience has confirmed the human body is truly only meant to carry one child at a time, although twins are becoming more common it is a total different experience from carrying one child... I say this from reading statements from mothers of previous children now pregnant with twins and crying on the forums about how horrible it is. So to see everyone at my stage of the pregnancy being exactly were I am at makes it not so bad because most people are not getting how hard it is on the body. But I thank god this pregnancy is twins and I am done and not have to do the 1 oops 2 later on. Could you imagine 2 sets of twins... holy crap. We know the likelihood is high here so umm we'll get rid of that possibility. That is my greatest fear after giving birth 2+2=life as we know it gone if it isn't already.
Reading the "pregnant with twins" forums has help a lot. Seeing that I am not in it alone is comforting... I am not the only one that feels like complete ass and just wants to cry because they lose all energy just trying to straighten their hair... sadly yes their is truth in the saying misery loves company. It has also set my mind at ease about the unknown of trying to raise a baby let alone two at one time. How do you breast feed two at a time... should twins use the same crib, what is the best stroller for twins, what is the best diaper bag for twins, what did they find useful or just a waste of time and money, how many diapers does the average set of twins go through a day and how long do they normally stay in each stage of diapers, premie size, newborn, stage 1, stage 2... what is the best brand of diapers for smaller/premie size babies, how to get twins on the same sleeping schedule, what are the essentials to buy newborn twins... just because there are 2 doesn't mean buy X2 all the time. The questions are endless and I have always found information and insightful opinions from mothers of twins that lived, breathed, and survived it... hell they even helped with what not to name your kids as almost all are named jacob jacoby ainsely logan and so forth.
As for the kids, they are growing larger and larger and moving non-stop. They make me laugh, like the boy digs radiohead's newest album, he always starts grooving and moving when reckoning, video and jigsaw fallin' into place plays. They also go crazy when they hear jeramie or mom talking or when i am trying to sleep, it is all, pay attention to me. Their eyes are developing more now so they respond to light on my stomach by touching it or they touch my hand when i have it on my stomach. They also have the sparring match which usually doesn't feel great for any of us. On the last ultrasound we saw the boys face he has my lips, nose, and jaw The girl was too busy hitting her brother back for us to get a good look. :( so we await the next ultra sound hopefully we will know tomorrow when that will be.
ok well i have beyond exhausted myself by writing.
Tomorrow headed back to Htown to go to dr. appointment, no ultrasounds :(
Happier Julie? :) oh and you are right, twins of opposite sex and shopping is crazy and addictive... holy crap all the clothes and cute stuff out there to buy.
Picture Time:
bed rest- I feel like crap picture.
Picture Comment:
"28 weeks pregnant and look how skinny your arms look! You are so amazing, beautiful, and strong. I love you and love the fact that we are having a family. Yes, the poo projectile internet stories and being left alone with them for the first time scare the shit out of me, but life would be boring without such thrills.
We are in the final countdown of this journey, until our two beautiful children join us in the next. Did I say I love you? I do and them so much!" - Jeramie aka daddy-to-be
Awwww I love how he judges how fat I am by my arm size... a tradition he still hasn't learned from since we first got together over 11 years ago. How things never change and time flies. :)
Belly shots from Thanksgiving... I looked huge then... now is just utterly scary.
baby kisses from daddy.
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2 comments:
Thank you for indulging my request! You are already a great mom... you are naturally obsessing about every detail to make sure that you provide your kids with the best you can - physically and emotionally. Everything is going to great... you are going to be great. Try to look at the fatique as your opportunity to sleep like you will never sleep again... you won't be able to sleep at your leisure for at least the next ten years! Sleep, sleep, sleep! jm
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
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